Why do we care?

Tori Spelling's birthday gift to husband Dean McDermott? A love letter. 
The actress posted "A Love Letter to My Soul Mate" on her website on Wednesday.

A woman calls her husband her "soul mate".  No shit!  How does this "dog calls husband 'soul mate'" story rate even the slightest bit of my attention?

I'm inspired to do karmic retribution for even noticing this horrendous excuse for nothingness.  So in that spirit, here's a link to Occupy Wall Street's library catalog. Go, and be inspired.

Late to the party

Tiki Barber left his pregnant wife for a TV intern, but now there’s a problem.

Now there's a problem? Really? Now?  Might I be so bold as to suggest that there was a problem when, you know, "Tiki Barber left his pregnant wife for a TV intern"?

The last line of the article is also a classic.

As for his new plans to get hitched, Tiki must first untie the knot he created with the mother of his children. The Post reports Johnson, 24, was already making wedding arrangements with the 36-year-old former athlete. Now it seems she'll be making them a bit longer than expected. The couple live together in Manhattan.

How is that interesting, or even relevant?  It comes across as some sort of journalistic knee-jerk (speaking of jerks).  A tic.  A vestigial piece of reporting.

"The couple have cereal for breakfast most mornings."

"The couple wear shoes."

"The couple are embarrassed about their status and have decided to keep their private lives private from here out."

No shit, right?

Ugly brawl mars Jake Shields' win

I went to a mixed-martial arts fight and, um... a fight broke out.

As Shields was being interviewed for the CBS viewing audience, Jason "Mayhem" Miller interrupted him, asking for a rematch. Shields' teammate, Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez, took offense to Miller stealing Shields' big moment, and pushed Miller. Shields and Melendez's teammates got in on the action. Strikeforce champ Nick Diaz and his brother, UFC fighter Nate Diaz, were both seen fighting Miller as CBS announcer Gus Johnson tried to end the fight by yelling, "Gentlemen, we're on national television."

Where's the outrage?!

No Shit Red Carpet Question

Asked of "La Vie en Rose" star Marion Cotillard:

"Now Edith Piaf... she died before you were born. Did you know anything about her?

Um, gosh no! Things happened before I was born? Tell me, oh wise interviewer, about this thing you call history.